EP. 44- Past failed attempts & HOW TO keep believing to achieve success.
Today, I want to talk to you about heartbreak. You might be wondering: Brenda, what does heartbreak have to do with losing weight? In 99.5% of cases with clients and listeners who schedule a strategy session, their issue isn’t nutrition or not having information, their issue is dealing with the other things that get in the way of following their weight loss plan: feeling stressed, emotional eating, seeking relief, seeking comfort, not believing in yourself, fear, doubt. What keeps people from achieving their dreams? Doubt. Doubt is the #1 killer of dreams. This is why I want to talk to you about heartbreak.
I received a text from one of my best friends a few weeks ago. She told me she had something to tell me that she hadn’t mentioned before. She had met someone. She didn’t want to tell me because she didn’t want to get her hopes up, to just be disappointed, and feel stupid. This really resonated with me because it reminded me of my clients, of myself. Why? Think of how previous heartbreaks in your life have affected the way you approach new relationships. Do you welcome them? Do you not?
I want to tell you the story of when I first fell in love before I ever had my heart broken. I fell all-consumingly head over heels in love with a guy. I went all in. How could I not? I had never had my heart broken before. I was not worried about what could happen. I enjoyed every moment without concern for future pain. It was wonderful! I want you to consider: What was it like for you to fall in love before you had ever experienced heartbreak?
Of course, my relationship did come to an end, and I was heartbroken for the very first time. It was an intense loss. But as feelings do, the intense feelings of the heartbreak faded away. I eventually decided to start dating again, but, I carried with me so much fear. Much like my friend who was afraid of getting hurt, disappointed, and feeling stupid. Post-heartbreak, if I started dating someone, there was always some hesitation of fully allowing myself to be interested, and get involved because of this idea that I might get hurt again and it might not work out.
When you hear this story, this cycle of heartbreak, can you relate it to your weight loss? I find it’s a perfect analogy for weight loss. For me, I’d look back and think that I had tried something, tried it SO many times but nothing had worked and it never would. As with experiencing heartbreak, when you meet a new potential love interest, you find yourself holding back from going all-in on the relationship because you’re afraid to be disappointed, feel stupid, or experience heartbreak. How many times in the past have you tried to lose this weight and it has not been successful? And you have felt stupid, incompetent or incapable. It is truly a weight loss heartbreak.
A lot of what I do with my clients is coaching them through this heartbreak, through this new idea: Just because it was a heartbreak in the past, doesn’t mean that every new experience has to end in a heartbreak. There are relationships I look back on now that I can see I sabotaged because I was scared of being hurt again. Can you relate this to your weight loss? Preventing yourself from feeling defeated, disappointed, let down again by yourself?
Say you’ve committed to a meal plan. You’ve fully committed to eating a balanced menu of veggies, protein, and healthy fat. You’re going to stop eating when you’re full. This is the year, 2018. But when you step on the scale, it stays the same or fluctuates and goes up a little bit. When you don’t see any change or even a weight gain, you jump to having your guard up. In that you post-weight loss heartbreak mindset, you make it mean it’s not going to work out again, you’re going to feel stupid again, you’re going to experience disappointment and never achieve your goal.
Remember my friend, who met a new guy? My feedback to her was to ENJOY it! What if it was amazing? Even if it doesn’t work out, just enjoy it. Don’t worry. Worry is unnecessary. Worry and doubt pretend to be necessary, they act as if they’re protective but they keep us from really going all-in on an experience we’re having or a pursuit of your goal.
I want you to be aware of how often you look back at past weight loss attempts and use that as a reason to doubt trying again. Much like a relationship, I would rather be the person who believes in new chances rather than the person who remains jaded, heartbroken and never opens my heart again. Can you open yourself up to the process that could be incredibly successful instead of letting your past attempts hold you back? Instead of being the heartbroken person who is afraid, hesitant and skeptical because your past attempt didn’t work out the way you expected, can you acknowledge that despite being a little (ok, maybe a lot!) of disappointment in the past, today is TODAY? Can you acknowledge the past is in the past? Can you acknowledge that today is a brand new opportunity to go into this new experience all-in, knowing you will be successful?
So, yes. I had a heartbreak. I even had a couple heartbreaks after that. These are human experiences. But guess what? I moved forward. I continued to believe in love. Believed that I’m would find the love that I want in my life. I truly believed that I even wrote it down. This is how you create what you want in your life. You decide to continue to believe in it. And I did. That’s how I met the man I am now married to. I am so glad that I did not decide to shut down because of disappointment in the past.
With your weight loss, you can decide to shut down on this dream because you’ve had a few disappointments in the past. Absolutely. Or you can decide that you’re going to be the woman who keeps trying and continues to believe. You’re going to figure this out, do this for yourself and it is possible. Just like I chosen to believe in love, regardless of the heartbreak. I was open to receiving that kind of love. Or I could have chosen to shut down because I did not want to continue to feel disappointed. Being willing to feel that disappointment again meant I was willing to find the right person eventually. That’s exactly what needs to happen with your weight loss.
Yes, most of us have been disappointed. Not one, not two, at least five times. You’ve tried to lose this weight, and it hasn’t worked. Okay. You can choose self-pity and shut down. Or you can decide that regardless of disappointment or let down, you CHOOSE to believe your goals are possible. You WILL make this happen. Choosing to believe regardless of all the disappointments you’ve had in the past will be a game changer.
To my friend, I say: Even if it does end up in disappointment, to experience a new experience is a great gift. There’s value in it. With each relationship and weight loss attempt, you learn new things about what works for you and doesn’t. You take away what you need to for your next attempt. As long as you keep moving forward until you create the results you want and find what works for you. You have to have that core belief that you still believe. Just like I chose to believe about love and MY weight loss. My weight loss journey took almost 20 years to get to where I am today.
At the core of your weight loss journey is to: Keep. Believing. Decide that all these little heartbreaks and disappointments are an active learning process, they’re a gift. You always get to decide how you want to think about something. I could choose to look back on my weight loss journey with self-pity but, instead, I decided to look back and realize how much I’ve learned that I can now share to help other women. You can look back at your weight loss journey and attempt and generate self-pity to keep yourself stuck, shut down and no longer believe. Or you can look back at them and learn from them. You can still be open to try again and believe you can create it for yourself. And that you DESERVE it.
If you’ve had your fair share of weight loss heartbreaks, don’t worry. You are NOT alone. Join the club. 8 out of 10 women have had their fair share of weight loss heartbreaks but, you get to decide what you do with that. I suggest you don’t base your present on your past. Regardless of the heartbreak, they’ve been lessons. Keep moving forward. It IS possible for you. Despite being heartbroken time and time again, you know it’s possible. You’re not afraid to get hurt again because it’s all worth it. You’re strong enough, courageous enough, to handle heartbreak and disappointment. Keep moving forward in pursuit of what I want in your life. It’s only a matter of time.
If you’re interested in taking the next step in your weight loss journey, apply for a strategy session with Brenda.
If you have any ideas for podcast topics that would be helpful for your journey or questions, send Brenda an email at firstname.lastname@example.org